The biblical account : console origins

The world of which I speak is an ever evolving world.  A world of conflict, of sadness.  Of utter elation, and bitter disappointment.  Where the mighty were born, and fallen, the good can die, and the evil prosper.  I'm talking about the world, where consoles began.

Back in the first days, the dinosaurs roamed the Earth.  The console's ancestors, laying the foundations.  The mighty Atari ST-Rex and the equally fearsome Amigasaur, taking great strides across the plains.  They had their allegiances, many stood proud under their protective bellies, whilst the corpses of the previous age, the Spectrumisaur and the Commodore lay by the way side.  It was in these days, that gaming was truly in it's infancy.  Blocky 2D graphics, colourful platformers and top down shooters galore.  It was in this barren wasteland that a million years would pass, and the evolution would begin to unfold.

The first evolution was to move from the floppy disc.  Several efforts were made to create this new transitional species.  To be wiithout floppy discs, without installing and copying.  But few had been truly effective, until that was, the cartridge era arrived.  And with it the stocky NESoraptor, and Master Systodon.  But truly these stocky mammals were yet to grip this world.  It was their children who were to prosper, the SNESoraptor and the Genesistodon.  There were minor allegiances, and phrases like "The NES is better, Genesis doesn't have as many colour".  And "Genesis has the best library, you can't challenge it."  But these words were fleeting at best, and only shared by those truly ineffectual.  The two co-existed relatively peacefully, but dark times were afoot.  Evolution could only take the world of Console so far.  It was only a short time until something intervened.  The era, of the machine.

It stood above the dinosaurs, a clear hundred feet.  It has sleek features, but hidden behind it, solid mass.  The dinosaurs didn't run, they didn't hide.  They simply stood in awe of this creation.  Built from the hardest tech, and infused with cast iron gaming, truly it was believed a god was born.  The Sony Playstation.  It's birth was one of fire however, not of itself, but of another.  A petty upstard.  The Saturn.  No one had even seen it breathe before the Playstation had destroyed it.  A great roar swept the land, the sound of ethereal bells.

And it was in this godlike position, that Sony decided to build.  It had won the first war, like a mighty mech stalking the empty plains of Console. And the spin started.  "PS2, the emotion engine".  "Incredible life like graphics".  "The next generation".  So much hype, so much promise, and the newly formed people of Console were wrapped up in it like a wrestler in spandex.  But within months of it's evolution, a bad smell had taken to the air.  Where the Playstation was a machine that nurtured the people into the new age, this new evolution wasn't quite so comforting..  Whether it was the triumphant fashion within which they had won the first war, or perhaps just a lingering overconfidence, Sony truly had changed.  Gone were the days that Sony sat over our shoulders, watching us game with a gentle pat on our heads.  Gone were the days that rather than a massive machine, Sony felt like our friend.  This was a colder, harsher mech.  One that seemed focussed on deadlines, profit and gain.  "Where is the realistic graphics?" we asked.  There was no reply.  "Where was the hard drive you promised?  And the online play?".  Again, no reply.  "And what is this console?  Where is the love?  The attention?  The quality?", but this time, there was an answer.  "The console is perfect.  Worship us".

The gamer crowd stood aghast.  Someone questioned, "Did they just ask us to worship them?". 
"I think they did" came the reply.  And a hush fell again over the crowd. 
"What do we do?" asked one.
"What can we do?" asked another.  This was a time of uncertainty, or great unrest.  This, was the great schizm of 2001.  "I WILL WORSHIP YOU OH LORD" sang a lone voice from the crowd.
"AS WILL I" said another, and with that, sporadic heads in the crowd fell to the ground, on bended knee.  Small pockets of people stood, confused.  What were they to do?  Pledge allegiance to the god changing before their eyes?  The standing minority stood away from the baying worshippers.  All sat under the glow of the Playstation 2.  Truly this wasn't a world they recognised anymore, and it was for them, a harsh road to travel.  They began their walk, and along the way hit several smaller deities.  The bones of the N64 were discovered, a blocky, malformed, but fun loving god.  There to provide cheap fun, and split screen sessions.  A small beam of light shone in the Dreamcast.  For a while it shone brightly, promising and delivering online play for the first time.  But again, it didn't last.  Truly, the minority of wanderers found no place to permanently lend their allegiance, until that was, they reached the end of the earth.

Sat looking out into space, they called out "What do we do?  Do we give up, and fall to this treacherous and malicious god?  Take what we are given, and thank them for the courtesy?  Where was our old, comforting god?".  And from the abyss, something came.  The dark sky parted, and a massive black obelisk fell from the sky, crashing down before them.  The minority ran to it's side.  The Xbox had arrived.  But this wasn't the end.  No, this was the beginning of a war no one would have thought possible.  An unconscionable conflict pitting both sides against one another tooth and claw.  The Xbox offered a massive online component, a hard drive in box and a host of exclusive titles.  The PS2 wasn't nearly ready to lay down and die however, and launched scathing attacks.  A new kind of gamer had emerged, one who would alter the battle for life.  The fanboy.

Short and pudgy, the fanboy was dressed head to toe in servility.  A logo tattooed on their brain of their chosen deity, and a tongue of venom for their opposition.  Deciet and lies were their game.  Crafting fanciful tales of breakages, of damage and uselessness.  The gamer crowd of Console knew not what was truth, and what was rumour.  Was the Xbox dead?  Did the PS2 break?  The fanboys waged powerful rumours and blatant lies as the gamers stood central, cowering from the cold.  But the gods were growing.  These were no more machines now, they had become living breathing goliaths.  The Playstation had evolved into a third incarnation.  And the Xbox, whilst diminishing in size, took on a frightening suit of white armour, and a power thought impossible.  And a crazed new cult had formed, touting the simple pleasures of the bizarrely named minor deity Wii. 

The fanboys grew in tenacity.  They had stepped up their game from simply casting aspertions, to creating sources, building websites and flooding boards.  All sides were under attack, and the gamer population had grown to world filling proportions.  We were now in the third age.  The latest generation.  But what happened next?  Well, we don't know.  For we are now, where we are now.  Who will win?  Will the waning PS3 regain the force it showed in it's first, metallic incarnation?  Will the uprising of Wii become all encompassing?  Or will the 360 triumphantly take over the Console world?  We will have to wait and see.

[WarriorForGod]

you are a fool nth. god have mercy on you.